Lots of conversations about life....

For those who read this blog, the current situation with my dad is no surprise.

What has been a surprise to me, is the ease at which we (Mom, Dad and I) have been able to talk about life and death. Conversations I never thought I'd have with my Dad about "end of life" decisions are oddly very comforting. Each time we discuss those points that are important to him, I am more and more comforted with the revelation that he is "at peace" with where he is in his life's journey.

I really don't know what the prognosis is as far as time for him. But to be perfectly honest, I really don't want to know. I don't feel pressed or worried about the time ahead, I'm just enjoying each day I have with him and glad that right now he feels good.

Dad seems to have a bit more "openness" about chemotherapy. I don't think he will refuse it, when offered that as the next treatment. I do think, that he will definitely demand that he have the upperhand when it comes to halting the treatment if he has to give up more days feeling ill from the treatment than it earns him.

I'm feeling like a "parent" to him. I feel like I have to stand in between him and the doctors and fight for him and his desires for/against treatment. I'm not sure where that feeling is coming from. I seem to want to question each doctor when they suggest another procedure. I want to know that those procedures are absolutely required and not just some normal protocol that they do. Dad doesn't need any extraneous procedures. He's fine right now, I want them to not screw that up!

Ok - hope this wasn't too depressing!